dont know why i find it such a chore nowadays to update. its not that i dont have time to update. i spend hours on hours staring at the computer screen everyday with the whole office whirling around me. its not that im too tired after i get home. well =], i am sometimes, but its almost like i have nothing to say when i stare at the screen.

dont know, seems like everyones leadin such intersting lives, while mines spent mostly shuttling between the office and home, training, matches, the occasional dinner out, the occasional ice kachang over atapchee, the occasional converastion over the phone, the occasional conversation over msn. seems like everything is so transient and unmeaningful.

hear wonderful stories of people in far off places, teaching english in mountain hidden villages, surfing, drinking, perving.. getting attached, drifting apart, breaking up, growing up.. screwing in, screwing out, screwing each other., not that im complaing for once tihs summer is gonig the way it is. in fact, in a way, im axfuly grateful in a way that it wasnt a bit more 'eventful' in that way.. THANKFUL i say.

today i received a very special email, that got me thinking. haha.. girl, you probably provoked me into this long ramble. but yes, reflecting on what we've gone through. people speak with new found maturity ive never noticed before, as addie said that nolly said - we'er all growing up.

concerned about different things, weawr different things, think about different things. somwtimes i really wonder if iv e changed as much as everyone else seems to have. glad to see everyone around me growing up, spreading their wings and flying out into that endless expanse of blue - but whens it my turn? or has it already crept up and lifted me away from before.

hahaha.. reading everyone else's blog- it seems like such a carefree happy world. soemtimes i really wish things were as easy as everyone made them out to be.

candyshoppes playing on itunes now. makes me think of one person and that one person only. choong asked a question that night that really made me think. at the time i was just really flushed and laughed it off. girl - theres nothing to be sorry about. you really made me think - about what i want, and where i see this whole situation going. i hate upsetting anyone, but its seems the only way out - if there is one is to upset everyone. im aging- but soemtimes not sure if im gettng any wiser. i certainly hope so. its a maze it is , a bloody boobytrapped maze.

not that it makes things any clearer now.