bittermarmalade

2006-01-21T17:33:00.000-08:00

2006-01-21T17:26:00.000-08:00

KOKY. I'm updating this for you.
HAPPY 21st. LOve u loads and loads
too bad we couldnt get u on the phone today - to hear me and nolly sing a birthday song to u

But have a great one, love u lotsxx

2005-12-16T09:32:00.000-08:00

Amsterdam

the barrrel

house party

house party

london chinatown

nick's birthday present

post party in the quad - joint bday party w nick

2005-12-16T09:10:00.000-08:00

so many things happened in the past month. How do i even begin.

lets start from today.

its over!!! haha, know i really shouldnt be feeling this way. guiltily, I admit, its great to be out of the office. especially when you;ve just spent the last week or two doing literally nothing, but being an encumberance. Although i have to admit it was cool while it lasted. Of the week, spent almost 2 full days in court, watched a senior counsel get absoltuely beasted by the judge - and still u tell me in judicial management it never gets personal. Had an amzing lunch in harry Potter Hall of Lincoln's Inn with a long table full of wisecracking public school, oxbridge, poshnoshy white guys, had tea and biscuits in the office of the head chambers in a room with a real fireplace, and where everyone uses fine bone china teacups AND saucers. Attempted to sound smart when I hadn;t a clue what was going in the case discussion. Worst of all, having to make a gazillion minutes of small talk about Christmas - coz I couldnt very well t hink of any thing else vaguely that public school eduicated English guys would be interested in. Hah, at the end of it they must have thought I wa one crzy guirl obsessed with Christmas. yes, a bit insane. having drunk copious amounts of tea and spent hours amusing myself reading cases racking my brain and trying to sound smart, well, its OVER. having said that, its with mroe than a twinge of sadness that I must say I did enjoy it. But the whole exclusivity thing people murmur about outside chambers, sad to say, I feel is true. Much as I find court work immensely intersting, and defintiely stimulating, i consign myself to the sad reality that maybe I just dont have the intellectual capacity, the eloquence, the skin color, or maybe jsut the confidence to attempt trying for it. I am a sucker - I hate failing, and this time the odds just seem way too improbable. If only, my learned friend.

In the week, memories of Amsterdam have steadily been consigned to the dark recesses of my mind. But yes, after liberation, and alot of christmas cheer, it wonderful to look at pictures and reminsce. got an email from a dear old firend couple of days ago, saying just how fun it was. Yes, it was, I wont even bother putting it in words. But sometimes, more than ever, its at Christmas, and when the air is thick with the yuletide cheer that you really realise what a great time you are having and what great friends you have. WooT wooT!!!

Last two weeks of school was jsut plain insane to put it mildy. There was the barrel, which somehow seemed alot more fun last year than it did this year. maybe its just because I havent actually been involving myself that much in the whole rugby scene this year - couple of newbies that I dont really know - everyone not really hanging out together ,much, more work and fewer walkabout nights. I even missed the infamous barrel run where they ran down to kings along the strand and supposedly casused more tha n $30,000 pounds of criminal damage and punched a teacher. I wish I'd cut out the Guardian report on that.

Birthday was on the 28th, thanks so much for everyone who made it extra special. The girls who came down to London the week after to celebrate mine and nolly's. you guys are the best girlfriends in the world. I know I;m just really really busy, never go on msn, always somewhere running all over the place. But it just means so much that u guys are always there to just be there. I wouldn't trade you all for anyting in the world. Love u all loads and loads..xxx Anyway, jo and koky are coming down this weekend, and nolly's coming back on sat evening. Sunday morning's going to be a riot before I fly home in the afternoon..cant wait!!!

arghhh.. now thinking of all the missed deadlines I set for myself just makes me sick. Off to get some fooood and do soemting about it !!

2005-11-23T13:15:00.000-08:00

how do you tell people NO

that its sub zero outside and you just dont feel like going out,
that you've got a 10 am class and your place is alot nearer to school than just about anyone else's is
that the thought of havning to get out early and take the bus to school for another $3.60 is horrible
that all you want to have is time alone, or away from the pretentiousness, the trying

how do you tell yourself NO

that you should stop daydreaming of chocolate muffins and raspberry sauce
that you should focus on work instead of whiling the day away
that you should stop blogsurfing and get a hold on your time
that you need to stop wasting time and not screw up your mock exam

how do you tell someone NO

but that you just want someone who truly loves you

2005-11-14T15:50:00.000-08:00

just got back from stansted couple of hours ago. Portugal was gorgeous, not everything i imagined it to be, but it came relatively close. The food, the people, the city, the bustle, the tranquility, the modern facade juxtaposed with the cobbled streets and smelly dried cod. Tiny kids with sparkling eyes, juggling soccer balls by the quayside in the sunset.

portuguese eggtarts tthat actually do exist - and taste even more amazing than what I imagined they would. Porto has to be the city with the most pastry shops in the world. More than even vienna or singapore. Their appetite for custard and flaky puff pastry is literally stomach ache inducing.

NOT THAT IM COMPLAINING. The company was good too, but we all had things we were pondering on, chewing thoughts just didnt seem to cut it for very much more than superfluous exchange, that skimmed the surface of the depth of churning emotion beneath. but it was all good fun, Im grateful for the chance to just let loose.

Back to the issue of sterotypes. People who know, I am a sucker for dark hair and sparkly eyes. Met someone today, who really freaked the heck out of me, and pissed the shit out of me at the same time. AND he had dark hair and sparkly eyes, and was well, hot in every convetional sense of the word. Well, I was jogging it home, after running aroundlincoln's inns fields and up southampton row, when I moved past this guy in a suit. didnt thikn much of it, but I remember him, cuz did actually look at him.

Continued walking home, when I was 10 steps from the gate, heard this random voice stop me from behind. so it was that guy, turns out he's french morrocan, in london for a business trip - for the global money markets - and wanted me to "have a cuppa, a conversation" or "dinner with him". Right. Then, he asks, "How old are you". i would have turned to run, but for the fact that i was 10 steps from the door and didnt want him to know where we lived.

"20", .."oh.. that;s old.. thought u were much younger"..
well, so turns out mr hot and dashing is actually a perv looking for young underaged girls who walk around russell square at 8 in the evening to "have an invitation" or "rest with him". right.

did someone say anything about dark haired half french guys being sleazy?

(or being incredibly smooth, hairy, loud, obnoxious, insensitive, dashing for that matter)

2005-11-14T15:02:00.002-08:00

2005-11-14T15:02:00.001-08:00

2005-11-14T15:02:00.000-08:00

2005-11-09T06:50:00.000-08:00

i had a discussion with a friend today, which really made me think

what is singaporeanism. he professes a love for the food, an admiration for the results we get, but he despises the culture. I profess, Ive never had someone put that so succintly and bluntly in my face before. He called the singapore government a bloody dictatorship, about how he hated the way singaproeans are all geeks. meaning, job focused, greedy, individualistic, cheap - he called it, concerned with the tiniest nitty gritty things, things that involve money. Thats what pissed him off he said. How we pick on every scrap or ounce of goodness anyone throws but are selfish unro ourselves. All in all, we get good grades, but so what? Its all the nubmer crunching that we do that gets it, but he claims not to see any singaorean ceos? its the realtionships and communicaton skills that matter, no matter how competitive or self centred individualist we are. All in all, it results in a socitery full of selfish, greedy geeks, job centred and self centred. We dont care about the people around us, just about how to rip off or extract the best benefit from everyone else who isnt singaporean.

How we spend hours on the end endlessly bitching about people and things, politics but never get anything done about it. How inactivity has characterised the society that it becomes secular and selfish.

I took offence - why would your culture be superior just because you appear to care more about other things other than wokring your ass off to pay back your study loan. is it cos you sont have a study loan to pay off and money comes easily to you? Is that y? I knew he would deny it, and he did - ppl here they arent rich, they pay for their own things, live therilives simply but happy. it is the poor whoa re more willing to share, cuz the realise the meaning of being without and want more ppl to partake in their situation of having. Instead, its the rich who are more greedy and despite seeing their walth gorw want even more, and more and more...

it never ends does it - but really, I didnt knwwhat to say. Singaporeans are used to the govt telling us whats good for us, what we should do to look beyond society, and ow we are the most global, forward looking metroplitan city in the world? but are we?

In a way, he was being insular and refused to see where I was coming from, and yea I could say loads of things in the defence of singaore - how its this focusedness that got ppl where they are, that being apoltical means more meaningful things like helping the community are at hand, and of course he was an ass just not to realise that culture and morality in itsslf are subjective concepts and it would be unfair to judge one as being supeior to another jsut becasus subjectively to him- it appeared like a sucky way of life.

but really, people think that of singaporeans from having what contact they have with people here - even if there are valid reasons for acting the way we do - that we obviously understand and empathise with - why it is that it appears so completely abherrent to them?

tell me

2005-11-08T16:41:00.000-08:00

you know you've become a gook when you're at home on guy fawkes night. granted, i wasnt at home. I was at nick's place trying to piece the paragarphs of my essay together.. with Dick, Fiona and Ed, and the 20 ton refrigerated supertransported and rotten strawberries that became the subject of a $18,000 law suit..yea you get the idea.

well, I was sitting at john's com squinting at the screen in the dark - how nice can i get, that guy just got back from the airport and needed his 100 winks, when sudenly the whole window in front of you just lights up. And the sky turns a million shades of shiny sparks that explode and twinkle and smile before fading away. in the distance, some really rich guy's putting off his million dollar fire works the kind that has two shells- the white explodes first, then the red inside the white to gie a starburst of showers with comet tails, dragonheads, exploding balls whatever you call them.

Bonfires going on all over the country to celebrate the wonderful misdeeds of some clueless chap who tried to blow up the british parliament 100 years ago. what a sadistic sense of humour these brits have.

evryone fromthe kids in the nxt estate to that loaded guy right by the london eye( which incidentally canbe seen from john's window) is setting off fireworks, or firecrackles or firecackles for the really cheap ass ones. sigh, then i think of the times my experience with fireworks is sadly limited to the sparklers at mooncake fest in sept.

can u imagine if we had fireworks to set off at home? think my dad would have a fit about the explosive ruining the granite floors in the courtyard.

we're having a bonfire party at berrylands tomorrow- ha proves im not such a beeper anymore.

today we were having a discussion through email about the barrel. yes thorugh email. apparently rugby chavs dont really have much better things to do then sit by theri facebook pages and lse accounts everyday, but yes, coming from a rugby girl. for the uninitiated, the barrel is an annual AU affairs on the second last fridya of michaelmas term, where the AU gives itself blanket approval for one day of lesson skipping, boozing, fining - pure hedonistic fun - or wickedness ddepending on how you look at it. we've got all the sports teams dress up according to their team's theme of the year, and turn up in the school bar at 11am for the first round of drinking. Drink tags cost 5 pounds per wrist, and are redeemable thorughout the day until 7 at the underground for an unlimited supply of fosters snakebite, housepours.. you name the works? think its a good deal? whats even better is if you get fined. what this is is tht your captain gets to haul ppl up for various misendeavours throughout the year up on stage, where they spin the wheeeeeeeeeeeeel , depending on where it stops, its a pull, 2 pulls, a pint , 3 pints,.. so you actually get even more free drinks - morethan you can even imagine. by 2 pm, the floor is a sea of red flooded with snakebite and there a designated puke bin right next to the stage. ha wicked

the fun doesnt stop there, there's ran dom karaoke throughout the day, an amplification of wednesday nights and walkabouts by about 100 times, and around 4 the stripping starts. barrel tradition has it that a rugby frist team fresher steps pissed and is stripped down to his balls and thrown into the street, whereupon he has tpo run thorugh the school - thorugh lts, throug the library, with luck this year even through kings, with the rest of the AU bunch chasing after him in fancy dress, or undress, its a show stopping sight, the whole school turns out to line houghton street for the run, and it almost always makes the beaver - almost- within the bounds of decency eh?

turns out this year, we're thinking something ************. Not telling what we're coming in. Wait and see

2005-11-05T09:02:00.000-08:00

The Hare and Tortoise is probably the best thing that happened to Russeel Square in a long time - and one of the best things thats happened to me all week!

I wont even start to go on about the food. Its tucked at the corner of a derelict buidling all covered in scafolding, with the tiles falling off, the roof leaking ina hundred places - basically the place you would want to walk on the other side of the road of when coming home from King's Cross or Euston at 3 am in the morning. But nolly and addie brought me there today, and if you manae to wade through the pile of broken bricks piled outside, you come upon this really classy cafe like joint with cosy spotlights, shiny tables, zen-ish chairs and steaming bowls of noodles and rice piled high with slabs of meat and egg floating out of the kitchen.

Welcome to the chinese joint - that is arguably one of London's best kept secrets and possibly one of the best affordable chinese restaurants outside of chinatown. And the best part? its 5 mins from Queens square! and 27 old gloucester street.
had for a really reasonalbe 4.50 a mountain of rice althered with "succulent white cod fillets cooke din black bean sauce with onions, garlic red and green bell peppers" On a day when the sky if overcast and hints of adrizzle accost you on the way there - you a re in gourmet paradise. classic marriot hotel sichuan style cooking condensed into a rice dish and served in an artistic bowl for a fraction of the price Hakkasan is charging. There's loads more inventive dishes. Nolly had the satay beef friend noodle - which i imagine is erally good but i havent had the chance to sample. Not all the dishes look as restaurant standrad as the rest, but these on the other hand have that home cooked flavour- a definite delight after all that chinatown artificiality.

I'm going out later again. For dinenr at Jon's and the rest o his warm warm house. I think the fact of being here just means going out alot doesnt it?

A good friend said soemthing to me todya that really made me think. What is the

2005-11-03T05:57:00.000-08:00

gone home for the weekend.

its odd how i dont feel any kind of emotion whatsoever. not even emptiness, or happiness, or liberation, or yearning desperation. just a resolute note that I have to really buckle down and get my work done. I wont even begin to say how much work i've got piled up.

property - wk5 reading and essay
contracts - wk 5 reading and essay
EU - week 4 reading and wk 5 reading
math - all the weeks reading and next week's work

tough isnt it

on a nice note, im going to porto next week - which means alot alot more work to do now.

y am i kinda glad we got our match agaisnt kings cancelled yesterday.

2005-10-30T04:28:00.000-08:00

have u ever wondered why highlighters dry out so fast here?

or maybe its just the whole law stduent thing - i've run through 2 highlighters already since i got backl - which is just about a month; and mind you they arent the skinny srying up kind. They're one of those fat inky expensive ones that u get for 3 bucks from popular. They used to last me ages maybe one for a whole 2 years, and now they just seem to run out of steam no matter how diligently i cap them after highlighting each LINE. girls, or whoever next comes up, please bring me a load of ornage and pink stabilo boss highlighters to feed my ravenous consumption.

have u ever wondered y you always never feel like doing the things u are meant o do.

like now - thanks to day light saving, im actually out of bed at 12 pm instead of an unearthly 1pm with about 2 hours to s[are of reading before rushing off to regents park for rugby training. But well, what you plan to do almost always never turns out the way you imagine. I spend the next three quarters of the hours staring into space, scoffing tomato ciabatta, nibblnig at apple and generally feelnig fat whil accomplishing a grand total of 3 pages of reading the whole time. Wonderful, and i still have that wonderful essay on feudal tenure and individualism - 2 concepts i can just not seem to get my head around lying somewhere half typed and with a gazillion theoretical loopholes in my argument.

I didnt mean to wake up so late. I promise. I tried i tried to get work done yesterday, but just spent the whole of saturday wnadering around meeting old friends for thai curry mussels and waffles at belgos, bumping into an old friend in the middle of school; meeting new people atnight, learning new things about people at 3 in the morning, where everyone is either half wasted half stoned or half trashed. I promise to try to focus. I hate being behind on my reading.

Dont really know who reads this, but I dont want to get too explicit with things that are going on. my life is quite a mess now, there've been ups and downs, things turning out not quite the way i thought they would. Sometimes i dont know what im doing or where I'm going, jsut plugging away at it trying to fulfill the commitments I made, trying to not to disappoint people, and at the same time trying to etch out something that I can call my own. Im determined to prove to you that I can do it, that im not some loser at what I want to get - but it gets so fecknig hard, when that thing you choose doesnt seem to want to whats that word- reciprocate. Thoguht about it before, and maybe ive just been so pampered I dont really know what to expect out of something new. Im just getting confused all over again.

I know ive been talking in riddles.

This doesnt make sense does it? But then. when does anything ever make sense?

2005-10-21T17:49:00.000-07:00

dinner at ours

krispy kremes

and more

koky and her brownies!

lunch

2005-10-21T17:28:00.000-07:00

hi!!!!!

im back. after a long internet deprived hiatus, i'm porud to announce that 27 Old Gloucester Street finally has internet - and wireless no less. thanks to the incredible genius of mr tay, we managed to get the internet up and running the same night we got the mail from Tiscalli with the password and connection details.

for those of you comfortable computer geeks and internet addicts back in Singapore, it take bloody read : ONE MONTH to get the internet up and running when you move into anew flat in the UK, due largely in part to the lousy constipated nature of British Telecom, and the other stupid anal rules about how you have to get a phone line( which takes 2 weeks) then you have to wait 2 weeks more before you are allowed to connect to the net.

In blatant defiance of anti-competition logic, you are also not allowed to use any other service provider for braodband if your house is already wired to BT- read ;if the previous tenants before you used BT. Of course, they really arent trying to rip you off with the ridiculous tariffs and patheic connection speeds, I mean its only the biggest telco - state owned nonetheless - that is making everyone pay through theri nose for substandard service anyway.

Well, a quick update on my life since we got here. Itsbeen hectic, and correspondingly i've seen my appetitie increase baout 3 fold. I am not exaggerating. I've seen dance and rugby consume my life (whats new), and homework spinning around in the corner obviously not being taken care of enough. Not yet at least

London is a great place to be - if you want a part in the hedonistic lifestyle of the UK. In particular that of the LSE AU. Walkabout on wednesdays and the school bar before that never fails to amaze with its share of scandal and gore. Well, life's never really the same after you see darling kathrynn chatting up Lord Farquaad eh?

last night the arabic society jad a welcome party at the school bar - the underground. Didnt expect it to be any good, but it was good fun. Adele that wonderful guy let me in for free and everyone apent the night lazing around with huge shisha bongs - I mean i even rediscovered my love for arab music. Intersting but true.

Wish I had more pics of those to put on, but well, I will when i can

2005-09-22T02:25:00.000-07:00

i seem to be updating at the most random times. Lounging around in the saigon airport with nothing to do for the next 3/4 of an hour. Feel rather at a loss for words now. How o you describe the multiude of emotions spinning around in you, how do you put in words the conflicting joy, sadness, disppointment, exasperation, frustration, delightful glee, intermittently intersperced with bouts of drunken revelry that has been september.

Parties end on end, late night suppers in floresecent lit coffeeshops, endless office days and even more stacks of paperwork, fast cars, chill lunches at chic cafes, loungy sunday afternoon by the pool, hours and hours of reminiscing phonecalls, tears, fears, hope, despair, confusion, madness, silence.

Then came vietnam. It was definitely more introspective than i ever thought it could be. Never felt the claustrophobia like that before, feeling the sides of the tunnels in pitch darkness, or the solitude in the multitude swirling around, or the tired disenchantment of having to bargain, wheedle, smile or flirt for a good bargain. I never dreamt I would be affected by photographs, or proppaganda rheotoric, the ""american killer hero"" chants, i never thought.

Waiting for Brad Pitt on Kris world, is a socially disjointing exercise. Sitting at a well worn keyboard in a developping country, makes you feel like you are in some kind of social time warp. Untouchable, untouching, yet reaching and seeing the thousands of outstretched hands reaching, grabbing , grasping towards
you behind the separating glass panel.

2005-08-29T23:27:00.000-07:00

for all of you who met me last week - you know. last week was a torrid week at the office. was horrible, miserable, to be honest, this week isnt really much better. guess at the end of the dayy, what you really pick up from an attachment is just a sick glimpse into the cutthroat nature of the corporate world. and how one slip up can cost you everything. i mean everything.

had a rahter eventful weekend, but still not enoguh the erase the dread of aving to come back to the office on monday.

2005-08-24T00:40:00.000-07:00

decided to become a bit more proactive and update more vigilantly. not a very wise thing- considering the pile of work thats just stacking up behind me. 1 gnat chart, 1 teaching session, 1 board paper. AND some hairy assed monkey whos ignoring me on msn, but keeps getting me to call. if it were so f***kig as important to u then why the f*** do i have to call.

the chore of living a life contingent on the whims and fancies og other people.

on a sweet note, just found out yesterday that there actually are people who read this regularly, despite me not updating for ages and ages. it takes alot to care about whats going on in someone elses life. it takes a lot to care. thanks for being there.

watched charlie and the chocolate factory yesterday. what really struck me was that i dont really see things as i did before. kids, candy, growing up.. but some things never change - really happy to see that the portrayal of the nut room was exactly as i imagine dit obe years ago when i read the book.. and the boat made of the huge pink boiled sweet. ubt the ompah loompahs got a new fangled zen infusion, but too cool for my 7 year old mind back then.

going for sushi with my grandma tonight.. just realised i only have 4 weeks left here. dont nkow where all my time has flown to. been putting off just shopping andd chilling and wasting time in orchard for long enough - hey!! not that i dont want to., but NO F***king time. its now or never, just have to do the things i put off for so long.

peace

2005-08-22T07:57:00.000-07:00

dont know why i find it such a chore nowadays to update. its not that i dont have time to update. i spend hours on hours staring at the computer screen everyday with the whole office whirling around me. its not that im too tired after i get home. well =], i am sometimes, but its almost like i have nothing to say when i stare at the screen.

dont know, seems like everyones leadin such intersting lives, while mines spent mostly shuttling between the office and home, training, matches, the occasional dinner out, the occasional ice kachang over atapchee, the occasional converastion over the phone, the occasional conversation over msn. seems like everything is so transient and unmeaningful.

hear wonderful stories of people in far off places, teaching english in mountain hidden villages, surfing, drinking, perving.. getting attached, drifting apart, breaking up, growing up.. screwing in, screwing out, screwing each other., not that im complaing for once tihs summer is gonig the way it is. in fact, in a way, im axfuly grateful in a way that it wasnt a bit more 'eventful' in that way.. THANKFUL i say.

today i received a very special email, that got me thinking. haha.. girl, you probably provoked me into this long ramble. but yes, reflecting on what we've gone through. people speak with new found maturity ive never noticed before, as addie said that nolly said - we'er all growing up.

concerned about different things, weawr different things, think about different things. somwtimes i really wonder if iv e changed as much as everyone else seems to have. glad to see everyone around me growing up, spreading their wings and flying out into that endless expanse of blue - but whens it my turn? or has it already crept up and lifted me away from before.

hahaha.. reading everyone else's blog- it seems like such a carefree happy world. soemtimes i really wish things were as easy as everyone made them out to be.

candyshoppes playing on itunes now. makes me think of one person and that one person only. choong asked a question that night that really made me think. at the time i was just really flushed and laughed it off. girl - theres nothing to be sorry about. you really made me think - about what i want, and where i see this whole situation going. i hate upsetting anyone, but its seems the only way out - if there is one is to upset everyone. im aging- but soemtimes not sure if im gettng any wiser. i certainly hope so. its a maze it is , a bloody boobytrapped maze.

not that it makes things any clearer now.

2005-07-29T02:12:00.000-07:00

First time - blogging from the office.
Finally done with the whole IPO launch thing, cant tell you how relieved I am; for once I go to the office and my mail isnt flooded with rsvp replies, no names and companies to juggle. No more nasty emails complaining about big shots not wanting to sit next to each other. Cant tell you how glad.

Sat through a dreadfully long corporate dinner at the Four Seasons last night, then went to meet Harry and the rest of his friends at beer garden. Dont really know how to explain it, but I just felt so detached, so unconnected. Sometimes I really wonder if i really live in this sphere of my own not fitting in anywhere. They were talking about LAN - when's the last time i played LAN, supper at geylang, chugging beer, fags, faggots...

All I could think about was how bone tired I was, and how my feet hurt from standing around the whole day, how my cheeks kinda hurt from smiling and acting cheerful, how my head hurt from reading the corporte agreements. I just felt miles and miles away.

John partying in Mykonos - and he says its wild, loads better than when we were there. Wish i had moe time for tanning, gymming, eating, sleeping, shopping, chilling, swimming, drinking.

2005-07-27T07:32:00.000-07:00

i must be the laziest blogger ever.

a quick update on what ive been doing with my life.

for the unacquainted, im currently serving out my bond duty at a company in harbourfront centre - opposite of which has a hawker centre that sells the most amazing fish noodles.

just got back from the office - skipped training again. and gorged myself silly on food cooked by my grandma. the past few days have literally beena foodie fest. started yesterday with sakae sushi lunch; then my dad bought me dinner at sabai, then boss bought us lunch at sakae today, amaxing dinner by my grandma. Tomorrow - purple sage catering for breakfast, farewell lunch with wanjun, then four seasons hotel dinner. I think my diet plans have all but just fallen by the wayside in the face of sumptious food.

for every one who's been wondering where ive 'disappeared' to, well , I HAVENT, just been incredibly busy rushing to and from work. then spending time with my family. hardly any time to go out. been elading a relatively 'unhappening life recently.

on a happier note, ive just discovered how to blog photos - yes techno geek!!!
so snapshots of my life are going to be more accessible from now onwards...

venice

2005-07-08T22:09:00.000-07:00

its been a tiring week.
max and noelle are in singapore, and live in the pool house downstairs. and the whole week has been spent bringing them around the island. really have to admit, its more of an experience seeing max having his first whiff of durian, noelle getting squemish at the random cockroach running around ghim moh. woah, just reminded me of the countless times we lounged on crummy ghim moh chairs with chicken rice after training.

what really saddened me, was that i was at ghim moh that weekend, and it was strangely devoid of any white uniforms. ghim moh wont ever be the same again i think, not without the rergular pre-pubescent clientele.

doing alot of random things that sometimes i rather not be doing, but after it all, it just seems not that bad after all.

also, on another note, sentosa attractions (other than siloso and tanuung, palawan) are starting to look really jaded and are definitely NOT worth the 25 buck entrance fee. the night safaris really romantic, but again - 24 buck ?!?! signapore's really outta to rip the tourists off.

went to bintan club med for a couple of days.AND IT RAINED, themn came back to singapore and its been sweltering since. beware of the mosquitos. they bite.

2005-06-26T07:47:00.000-07:00

woahhhhhhhh

cant believe its been almost 2 months since i visited this place, tho everyone who has been loyally reading, SORRY!
but these 2 months has been such a crazy whirlwind of events, its just seems so impossible to ind the time to sit down and blog. I suppose it doesnt help that NIC CASSIN screwed up my net connection on my laptop, so i could get on the lse internet coneection from high holborn, and it seemed too much of a bother to go down to the computer lab to use the net, so hence the almost unforgivable 2 month hiatus.

But im back!! with a long up date on my life, what a roller coaster ride the past 2 months yhas been.

First, in MAY, there were the EXAMS, a horrifically stressful period of time for majority of the lse population, save for the the scatterings of geniuses. taking exams in lse is really an experience. its then you realise that the kiasu syndrome is not confibed solely to singaporeans, but is OMNIPRESENT. (eg the feeling of dread AND frustration when the library is PACKED at midday, and you have to QUEUE for a seat. the library opens 24 hours, and people actually take ADHD drugs to stay focused for maniac studying periods of ten hours each. creepy? guess i just have to et used to it.

next choong and song came down!!! woah!!! had an amazing time, brought them walking around oxford street, hamleys, regent street, leicester square, chinatown, the works, all the late nights cathcing up, squishing in my room, onthe same mattress, wathcing choong get terroroised by nic and john.. ahhh the life, surrounded by people you love.

while you say hi to some, you say goodbye to others. the night before i left for greece with the girls, saod goodbye to amanda and shailey.. two of my bestest friends this year. was a horribly sad time, and to be honest, it only struck me that i actually woulnd't be seeing them until at least when ever? and who knows, we might even se such different people by then that a treasured friendship might be lost and never be the same again. miss ya girls.

next we were off to greece, with my favourisest people in the world- the girls. (koky and jo... missed you loads) the idyllic setting- the mornings having cereal on the balcony staring off the cliff into the sea, the mountains and the horizon, the sunsets at oia, the trudging up the blackened slopes of the santorini volcano, the red beach, the amazing clubs in athens...the crepes and smoothies in the mid morning amongst seagulls at the pier. unforgettable and unreplaceable.

the next 7 days i was off to venice on ryanair, to the world of gondolas, tiny back alleys, mountains of gelato, pizza, pasta, kebabs, san marcos square, gucci, prada, valentino, FURLA, italian leather paradise. . better still, the nect few days and a train ride away, Ljubljana... capital of slovenia, part of former yugoslavia, home of rollerblading pedestrians, deer steaks soaked in cherry juice, ginormous burritos... and 3 days off to the slovevnian alps with late afternoon, strolling amongst the haystacks in the mountains, horseback riding into the sunset, quad driving through the picturesque mountain roads, overlooking the crystal clear blue wateres of bled and bohinj, evenings spent sipping coffees and feasting on fresh trout from the lake, or simply just driving around. the slovenians call it Heaven on Earth.

2 days back in london, frantically shoving my life into cardboard boxes, and then i was off again, back to the land of indian curry, nonya laksa, nasi lemak, chicken rice... home sweet home.. the mango sago never tasted sweeter.. sitting at my desk now, giving out presents, gorging myself silly on krispy kremes, marvelling at the greenery aorund me. i finally feel like i need a rest.

honestly, this is gonig to sound so cliche, but nothing beats being back. forgot how much i missed being able to sit on the deck in the sunset just watching the ripples dissappear on the surface of the pool, walk downstairs to dinner on the table, being able to make 'sheet angels' on my bed sheets.

2005-06-05T12:26:00.000-07:00

well, i'm sitting in the com lab typing this. really ANNOYING, cuz one pof my A##holic friends yanked out the internet cord too quickyl and screwed u pmy computer. smart ass. now im reduced to coming down periodically to use the net, to check my mail and stuff, andworst of all NO MSN. kk, ppl who know prob realise i hardly come online anyway, BUT u get the idea, its not there when you actually want to.

we're leaving for greece in 2 days. its going to be absolutely amazing. i cant wait.. really, the sun. the sand, the beaches, the lobster. cest trop chic mais non? john promised he's coming to mykonos with us, despite his inherent homo-phobia, and he's going to drive! which makes it doubly amazing!

i think i need to go run. im fat. really im not kidding, i couldnt even button my levis jeans. abnd there is a huge fat bulge that boils over my jeans when i sit down. its diagusting man, im going to look like a suasage on the beach. yuck.

cant wait to get home too, sigh, summer is gonig to be great.

2005-06-02T15:58:00.000-07:00

its nan indescribable feeling. having your bestest friends in the world over, just chilling. even just hanging around just seems so pleasant. havent felt so happy in so long. really mans alot that u guys are here man. went to the london dungeons today, then misato for dinner. a really enjoyable day, but most of all, the company made all the difference. love ya all lots, back to the gossip babes. xxxx

2005-05-21T09:31:00.000-07:00

woah.. cant believe how unfocused i am. its freaknig ass scary. i have a huge obligations paper on monday and im not even halfway through the revision for it. and what the !!!! am i doing ? ON THE NET, wathcing AMERICAN PYSCHO, going out for DINNER, chatting in the kitchen , DAYDREAMING.. arghhhhhhh. i know to all who havent heard from me, ive literally confined myself to holborn for the past week, my phonesbit wonky, my emails screwed, so if I HAVENT BOTHERED TO FIX anythnig till after the exams, so really sorry if ive seemed rude or uncaring.

arghhhhhhhhhh. what is wrong with me. learn your CONSIDERATION AND ESTOPPEL girl, it has to stay in your brain. and i stillc ant get my head around all those problem questons, so ITS TIME YOU STARTED DOING THEM????? really feel l ike kicknig myself, i need adivol . man, really do, keep thinknig of summer and all the random things im going to do. but what ? im stressing myself out cuz i cant concentrate. its really consuming me. im so worried, but i just cant seem to force myself to get my ass down to focus on pushing everything into my brain. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

sorry, know this is a really angsty, post, ubt i havent really been around there in the past weeks or so, so decided to get it all out of me in the vague hope that it'd help me concentrate. helpppppppppppppppp

on a nice note, went for dinner at punjab yesterday again, except john and nic were being theri usual semi racist, 100% oafish selves and making a commotion in the restaurant. WHATS NEW, before trooping off to my room to watch american pyshco. what productivity.

i really have to get myself away and focus. fern, DO IT PLEASE, do it for yourself
x

2005-05-12T23:58:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BRITHDAY woman!!!!
QIUYUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN, didnt get through to you even tho i wanted to get you at midnight!!! hope you had a brilliant birthday, with loads of friends, presents and love!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY 20th!!!!!!! love ya lotsxxxx

2005-05-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

just a notice: we lost 17-0 to imperial wye on wednesday. enough said, spent proabably 80 % of time in their half, just didnt translate into a silver medal.

but screw it we're the only lse rugby team to have made it to any final this year, last year, last last year, or as long as Rex can remember. wooohooooooo

where where is your METAL ware, where where is your metal ware...wooooooooooooh

2005-05-06T13:12:00.000-07:00

havent been here in a while.

taking another extended break from the intricacies of hegel, locke, foucalt, hoffmaster to rest my waery, but not so tired eyes. spent a distracted afternoon trying to studyi in the kitchen. didnt really succedd, but im promising myself im going to press on tonight anf try to do up that chapter on human body commodification..

on a happy note, girl, im really happy for you. that text from nolly just shone through like a ray of sun light inthrought the clouds, absolutely made my day. yesterday at least. hope you find your happiness, and treasure it while you have the chance to.

cant seemt o get myself to focus, keep getting sidetracked by all these random things. shailey asked me about john today. i said i dont know what i am doing. right. sums up my emotions perfectly, not just that, but everything else, about work, prupose, ability, potential, rationalisation of thought, irrationalisation of thought. sometimes my world is just such a confused place, with out direction or , perception. Sometimes i wish metaphorically, i had the eyes of a hawk, to spot the true from the false, hte irrelevant from the serious, the important from the unimportant. If humans had superhuman capabilites, (an oxymoron in itself), that would be what i would wish for? or would i not?

i cant say for a fact. but in the times of confusion, i just look at people around me, or back home, and wish wistfully, nostalgically, or even maybe not so nostalgically, that my world was much more carefree place that what it is now.

2005-05-01T10:15:00.000-07:00

sometimes you read about ironies in the law, and you wonder really, what this world is coming to. idealistically, the law is supposed to provide a respite from harm, and redress for vistims of the harm. At leas,that was what i thoguht when iwas a kid. And way up till maybe last year. One things i've learnt from this course, is that this system of rules which characterises epileptics and sleepwalkers as insane, and depressed females who have been under a documented period of abuse as people suffering from a disease (its called the battered woman syndrome), is that some of these rules appear to have been put in place to protect well, 'greater intersts' in society. it hink we all like tobelieve that there isnt some higher strata of society, or some one with the powers of world domination, somewhere that controls the society, the world, and throguh its influence thorugh the legal, governemental isntituitons of the world affect the way our lives are run. But now, rules like that really lead you to question who is really behind them.

Just smelt a whiff of barbecuing squid, my windows thrown wide open. and i can almost prom is i can smell it. looking int o the sky with the waning sunlight flaoting in, the smell of the barbecue, i jsut made the immediate connection to east coast park. maybe im jsut hallucinating, but i jsut had to lean out to check that i wasnt somehwere i didnt think i was. Warmer days hopefully, missing home, friends, the sea, the tropical breeze(yes that actually exists, u jsut dont know it does until you have to survive a full blown freezing wheezing gale everyday), blacks contact training, farrer park, banana leaf appollo, my sister. my mom, my dad, my grandmas, my grandad, my bed, walking to the bustop, crystal jade's xiao long bao, newtom sambal stingray, hard feeling home sick when uve jsut had so many new experiences here, but some things are jsut so irreplaceable.

its hard to explain things like that to people who've never even been toasia, how do you describe the taste of sliced fish bee hoon, or the milkiness of bandung, or how the indian man makes the roti prata so crisp, or how much prima taste laksa sucks in comaprison to katong laksa, or the sould of mee goreng frying, or the texture of finely barbeques squid wihth just the right amount of kalamnsi and sambal.

or the feeling of being back in rj in front of the mirror in the concourse, or steeping onto the pitch at farrer park. i suppose its all realtive and there are perobably experiences that ppl have that i will nevr understand. but guess some things about me are jsut so untouchable, so irreplaceable and so un understandable.

2005-04-24T16:06:00.000-07:00

this post is dedicated to JOANNA NG KAI LIN. you dont ever seem to be online, so just wanna tell you the video was amazing , i think it had the adverse effect of making me (and just about veryone else it was sent to ) feel like crying. didnt realise how much i missed spending time just doing random things and having random dinners. take care girl, miss u loads and to everyone else - esp choong and song and koky, cuz i ge tto see the other 2 buggers alot more, i love ya all. june will be amazing. give me inspiration to work!!!!
xxxx

2005-04-23T14:19:00.000-07:00

again, anothher day spent in the mindless pursuance of determination, how much is actually accomplished is antoher matter entirely. everyoners; studying so hard it literally is scary. i dont knw what im donig with my life zomethimes. get so distraxcted, hoppinfg from pone topic to the nect,not focvusing on the task at hand, get really annoyed with myseld soemtimes. i really have to sit fowne and get myself to consolidate thing,s but it jsut isnt happening. put it down to my losuy sense of self control or whatever, but yes, i definitely need to discipline myself. should stop moping arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

2005-04-22T16:12:00.000-07:00

cant belive im actually blogging from the library. meant to be doing work, but feeling distracted, in need of chocolate, love and a hug. sigh, and alot of motivation. its past twelve and yet this place is still packed and everyone so intense into their books its scary. went with nolly to this presentation yesterday. it was well,a very revealnig experience, met some really impressive characters- focused, determined, motivated, diligent. What can i say, just realised that it pays nought to rest on your laurels when your up agaisnt such immense opposition. Nothing in life is easy to achieve in isoltaion, up against people like that jsut makes it all the more difficult. well, craving for chocolate digestive biscuits and a huge strawberry tart with loads of fresh cream and covered in dark chocolate.

2005-04-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

all the excitement over, after everyone has left, the buzz slowly dies down.
and its back to digging in to work.
kinda miss the past week though. it was hectic, busy, full of sacridfices at the ezpense of work, but it only makes me look forward to summer.
to see my mom, my sisters. my dad, my grandmas, and grandpa, and everyone back home.
blacks, apple ppl, old classmates, can hardly wait

who can forget?

im looking forward

hegel's theory of self actualisation. sometimes i wonder if ppl in singapore are studying the same thing. i at dchapter one of property law. and its alot more to go. its a horrible feeling knowing that uve got more than half your modules left to go and apporximately one week of break left. its a horrible feeling if dread and annoyance at yourself for not planning ahead well enough and for copious time wasting.
just ploughed thorugh rifkin's age of access. thought it would take me about an hour an a half to get to grips with the material, but NO, i took 4 hours. what the !!!! and i dont even think i can succintly write an essay on it.
ahhh.. the feeling of ineptitude.

for the interested: rifkin prophesizes an age of access where the element governing the sphere of human raltion is no longer the quintessential property right, but the service realtionship. His theory is based on observatinos as to the decline of the provision of goods in the course of a business and the subsequent commodiifcation and commercialisation of culture, experience, relationships, and human time as the basis for trading in the commericial sphere. he gradual erosion of the commericial sphere in to the cultural spherei is a vicous cycle, the commericial sphere premised upon certain human behaviourial norms- the product of the culture and society. He anticipates that this will force a rethink of the whole concept of society and the Lockean concept of the social contract. Should this development not be managed properly, ther ewill be disastrous consequences for human-human relations, economic relations and cause the destabilisation of society.

what i think: the conceot of service and access as a commodity that can be bought, and traded begs the reevalution of the whole idea of property. Blackstone envisioned property as a sphere of influence to the exclusion of others, Modern day property theory is based on the philosphy of hegel and Locke, In light of the modern day developments, maybe it would be prudent for another philospher to come forth and propose a liberal theory of propoerty rhat is abstract, but includes personal autonomy over a concept - culture, IP, not just traditional fungible, alienable physical objects

2005-04-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

dont know whats wrong with me. imk worried sick about my exma,s and yet i cant get myself to sit down an do work. thhis week has been hectic so far. runnoing out late, hair streaking behind to the bustop, trying to mak eit o 10 aldermary square before 9am. this moring it was raining, and i was late. it was so embarrasing walking into the boardroom, snekaing i thru the back , attempting to look inconsicous, when everyone knew i was 5 mins late. been a revealing week, in terms of peopel i met and the people i met before. sometimes i think im too easy. i am lousy a t concelaing my emotions, whenim happy, its soeasy totell, when im angry, it soeasy to tell, when im upset or just disppointed in myself, it so obvious. osmetimes i wish i could act all cool, emotionless, and posh. maybe it jsut is more attractive to more people, and i wont feel like such a jerk or loser when people know exactly i feel.

ive jsut spent 45mins meaninglyessly surfing. its scary i think. sometimes i really dont know where im spinning my life into. its a miserable feeling i assure you. its grat to know, there are people watching out for me and freinds who will love me no matter what. but when it comes to the crux, youre always on your own to face whatever insurmountable onstacle you are destined to face. and you face it alone.

2005-04-10T08:29:00.000-07:00

really worried. lots od work, it seems almost unfinishable, and i havent even begun 3 whole modules. i really dont know what imgoing to do. arghhhh and all these lousy social obligations that i have to fulfill. and im going to be working next week followed by my dad coming. i really have no idea how to eve n begin. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. feel like jumping out if the window some how. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

sometimes wish i didnt have so much stuff, but i am defintiely grateful for what i have. so thank you all. but yes. i will have to work.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2005-04-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

what a day. was in shailey's room hald of yesterdaht, and trying to work at night and actually fell asleep on her extra bed?? my powers of self motivation and control are pathetic it seems when it comes to working and eating i feel in particular. well, they've just gone out for some ben and jerry's and im already slacking off. sometimes like i could just kick myself.

on another note, maybe its the blue sky or that trashy cosmo magazine i read. but he keeps entering my thoughts. dont know what to think sometimes. sometimes i just shudder in self disgust and try my best to shove those thoughts out of my mind, but they jsut keep resurfacing, like a recurring nightmare. that drags on, and on...
dont know if i will ever get over it. i think i will in time, but its now that i need it out of head. now more than ever. it used to be all consuming. now ive improved, oh please help me free up more brainspace for what i have to learn

addie: yes girl, thanks thanks. really miss u guys just being right next door. how to call u if ever, no phone.. that b******. next time go pick on someone ur own size, not some ASIAN girl who needs her phone and her friends*****

2005-03-31T09:39:00.000-08:00

my phone got stolen last night. B****. i just got it in january too. this kind of thing really throws a blanket over evrything. in the midst of a wonderful evening crammed full of gelato, cheesecake, laughter and rememberance and that just had to some along an spoil it all. to everyone who cant get hold of me for the next few days, call my room. 3062. *****

2005-03-30T07:09:00.000-08:00

Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed
Stay, lady, stay, stay with your man awhile
Until the break of day, let me see you make him smile
His clothes are dirty but his hands are clean
And you're the best thing that he's ever seen

Stay, lady, stay, stay with your man awhile
Why wait any longer for the world to begin
You can have your cake and eat it too
Why wait any longer for the one you love
When he's standing in front of you

Lay lady Lay -Bob Dylan

somehow i just feel so alone out of a sudden. 2 days surrounded with friends and love. and suddenly its wednesday, nolly's left, addies gone back to warwick, kloon and jia an yongcong leaving for greece at 4 am, maxs leaving for wimbledon tonight. suddenly, london is such a colder place.

really worried about studying and all the material i have to cover. considering how much everyone else seems to have done. really feel that i have to buckle down and grit my teeth through it all.

quite a surreal feeling really.

a new start

2005-03-29T09:25:00.000-08:00

a fresh beginning.

enough of the past, time for the future.
what better way to begin by ditching pain in the ass xanga and setting up a new blog.
direct yourself here nexttime
!!bienvenue